Volume #3-Lex’s Take on Love
Ohhhhh….Looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces…
Oh hi people. It’s February and that can only mean one thing – It’s that time of year, when dog parks get a little too friendly, all my canine friends are freshly groomed, and vets are preparing themselves for the influx of soon-to-be-scheduled spay and neuter appointments. Yes, my friends I speak from experience and I’m out to prove that while I may be less of man this year, romance is still a piece of my repetoire.
You see, my gal Zoe and I were whispering sweet nothings to each other the other night, and we got to talking about our take on love. It’s funny how we dogs and you humans have similarities when it comes to expressing our love to each other. Here’s what we came up with:
Sniffing Butts Proves Love – You know how you always see us dogs making U-turns when we’re around each other, trying to get a good whiff of each others petutties? Well let me break something to you, that is us expressing our love. If your derriere smells like anything but apple bitter spray, you’re generally cool. In a similar manner, I know that my mom and dad are in love because they don’t hold back in front of each other. Just ate four bowls of chili, let it flow. Leaving the bathroom door open, why not? But one time, my parents had friends over and one couple had just started dating. I caught ______ (won’t mention names) passing gas near my water dish when his gal was across the room. My stellar scent picked it up, but I didn’t tell her.
Biting Necks is a Sign of Affection- When my girlfriend Zoe is around, you can generally find each other wrestling around biting each other’s neck. While some may say it’s unhealthy, they’ve never had another dog leave a week’s worth of saliva dripping from his collar. So refreshing. In a similar fashion, every time I see one of those little magical pill commercials, it seems like they are doing the same thing, minus the collar and plus a bathtub or tire swing. Therefore, my logical doggy reasoning tells me that you all either bite necks to show affection or it’s a nasty side effect of sitting naked in a bathtub on a hill.
Fetching Means Rewards- Some say that a friendly game of fetch shows love between dog and owner. Do you honestly believe that we dogs show our love by running to fetch a stick over and over and over? Those sticks taste nasty and odds are I’m going to step in a pile of yesterday’s Iams en route. I do it for the rewards. T-words… (Yes, I know what that means too) I’ve noticed a similar behavior between my parents. I don’t think they fetch the milk, a beer, the newspaper, or the laundry because they love each other. They do it for the treats! I see you smiling. I know how it works and normally I have a front row seat.
So happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends both canine and human.
Until next time… Hang em if you got em, but hopefully you don’t.
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