Volume #1 – Could I Be a Rhodesian Boxador? 
What’s up Auntie AG? I see that you started one of them dog blogs. That’s cool. I have a proposal for you. My owners say that in these tough economic times, I need to be more productive with my time at home. Apparently sleeping, eating pillows, drooling, and licking myself won’t suffice. Sooooo, I thought that maybe I could utilize your blog to answer some of the questions that weigh on my mind every day as I stare out the window waiting for either my owners to come home or Lucy, that fine neighbor Doberman to walk by.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Lex, AG’s nephew and proud cousin of my movie star cousins, Zoey and LeRoy. (That was them in Beverly Hills Chihuahua wasn’t it?) I live in the Queen City of Cincinnati, Ohio where the chili is sweet and so are the bitches. I am a self-proclaimed schoolyard Frisbee champion but have a tough time supporting the local feline friendly sports teams (Bengals, Bearcats). My allegiance is with the Reds because that’s the color of my Iams bag.
So I was wondering the other day why everyone asks my owners what kind of dog I am? What kind of crap is that? They might as well walk by and ask them where my testicles went as well. I am fed up and want to know my roots. My parents were told that I am Boxer/Lab mix when they rescued me through Petfinder.com, but I’m not so sure. So I went to the local bookstore to do some research. Here’s what I found:
Boxer
Characteristics of Boxers – German (Ich spreche ein bißchen Deutsch), stocky (please), medium-sized (sure), short-haired (yup), strong jaws (word), weigh between 50 and 75 pounds (right in the middle), fawn or brindle in color (don’t remember those colors from the box of crayons I ate yesterday), distrustful to strangers (to a T), brave and determined when aroused (you know it), headstrong (you speak to your momma like that?).
Labrador Retriever
Characteristics of Labradors – Most popular breed (no wonder some jerk wanted to make my parents like each other), affable (ummm..don’t own a dictionary), gentle (psych), intelligent (double psych), energetic (wanna fight?), good natured (debatable), working dog (is eating dryer sheets work?) good with little kids (ok… I’m definitely not one of these)… next…
And then I came across this:
Rhondesian Ridgeback
Characteristics of Rhodesian Ridgebacks – A dog breed indigenous to Southern Africa. Its European forebears can be traced to the early pioneers of the Cape Colony of southern Africa, who crossed their dogs with the semi-domesticated, ridged hunting dogs of the Khoisan people. In the earlier parts of its history, the Rhodesian Ridgeback has also been known as Van Rooyen’s Lion Dogs, the African Lion Hound or African Lion Dog—Simba Inja in Ndebele, Shumba Imbwa in Shona—because of their ability to harass a lion and keep it at bay while awaiting their master to make the kill. (Whoooaaahh…this is so me) Muscular (totally), light wheaten to red wheaten coat (umm.. yeah), glossy appearance (I shine), aloof to strangers (I just got scared), a penchant for mischief (haaahaaa).
But where is that cool stripe down my back? I guess it does come out when I’m barking at someone. I’ll keep reading. Quote: “The only disqualification in the AKC standard for this breed is “ridgelessness.” (Shoot, that statement may be about as worthless as the BCS)
So after becoming educated and spending 35 bones on this book full of over-privileged pure breeds, I’ve determined that I am 75% Rhodesian Ridgeback and 25% boxer. What do you and your readers think?
Until next time….hang em if you got em, but hopefully you don’t!
Lex
Popularity: 3% [?]
Related posts:
- Life According to Lex…Volume 2
- Life According to Lex…Volume 10
- Life According To Lex…Volume 6
- Life According to Lex…Volume 4
- Life According To Lex…Volume 7
Tags: akc, bcs, bearcats, bengals, beverly hills chihuahua, boxer, cincinnati, doberman, iams, labrador, lex, petfinder, rhodesian ridgeback
