Life According to Lex…Volume 8

Volume #8 – The Best Time of the Year

It’s that time of the year when humans and dogs alike catch the excitement that’s in the air, get caught up in a state of frenzy, prepare for the best and the worst of emotions, and schedule hours upon hours of time on the couch as this phenomenon sweeps the nation.  No folks, I’m not talking about the swine flu, I’m referring to the glorious sport of football that graces its presence upon us each year about this time.  We love it, it’s in our blood.

Many people don’t think dogs care about football but they’re absolutely wrong. While the hodgepodge of genes that make me up may transcend different canine groups, I like to consider myself apart of the “Herding Toys, Work to make Scents, Sportsdog Group.”  Come to think of it ladies, most of your hubbies or boos probably fall into this category as well.  Our similarities result in permanent indents in the couch and out-of-nowhere curse words (barks) on fall weekends.  It doesn’t get any better.

But who I root for may surprise you.  While it would seem obvious for me to root for the UCONN Huskies, Georgia Bulldogs, Albany Great Danes, University of Indianapolis Greyhounds, UMBC Retrievers,  Southern Illinois Salukis, Pacific University Boxers, or the UW-Stephens Point Pointers, I’ve dug a little deeper to pick four college teams that I’ll be following this season.

Before I tell you who I’m rootin’ for though, let me first go on a bit of a rant.  Can you believe that there are 39 schools in the NCAA and NCIA that have the bulldog as their mascot?  Now tell me this, when was the last time you witnessed a bulldog doing anything that could be considered athletic?  While many would classify licking oneself athletic, it doesn’t count, at least in these calculations.  Also, what’s up with four NFL teams being named after felines (Lions, Bengals, Panthers, Jaguars), five after birds of a feather (Ravens, Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons, Seahawks), but no pooch-themed teams?  And no, the Browns are not named after dogs – despite what my backyard looks like after a week without poop patrol.

Whew, sorry about that outburst.  It’s like I’m a Congress Dog or something.  Anyways, back to my teams:

Dortd College – Defenders – If you’ve never been to the NW Iowa haven of Sioux Center, you’re truly missing out on a slice of the good life.  This fall, the mighty Defenders will defend their turf against such teams as Waldorf, Doane, and Hastings.  Being in NW Iowa, the team will also be responsible for defending the city’s well-being from those crazy Dakotans who live nearby.  Me, I’ll just stick to defending my backyard and my favorite bone and root from afar.

Arkansas Tech – Wonderboys – It has to be obvious why I dig the Wonderboys and ahem, my PetSmart Student of the Month certificate supports it.  Tucked into the tri-county region of Pope, Yell, and Johnson counties (there’s a joke there somewhere) and only an hour away from Tilly (the town named after my mom),  the Boy Wonders have a tough season against Incarnate Word (fact) and the Delta State Bollweevils.  I’ve ordered my giant yellow Wonderboys paw.

Merideth College – Avenging Angels – Meredith College is an all-women’s school in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I don’t care if they don’t have a football team, I’m rooting for them in whatever they do.  The Avenging Angels – a perfect description of my personality.  Can you believe that the Avenging Angel volleyball team takes on Peace College at the end of their season?  You can’t make this stuff up.  Strap some wings on me, put some Shaggy on the speaker system, and I’ll make the Capital One Mascot Challenge in two years guaranteed.

Rhode Island School of Design – Nads – Probably one of the most ridiculous schools I’ve come across.   Get this, RISD actually has two mascots – the Nads (Hockey) and the Balls (Basketball). Don’t believe me? All I have to say is Google “RISD Mascot.” Whoa….Despite not having a varsity football team, I’ll be rooting for their club team.  Unfortunately, I tried out for the team but was cut (or should I say snipped) because I didn’t meet all requirements.  Thanks mom and dad.

So there you have it my friends, this fall will consist of sleeping, eating, football, and probably an extra 5 pounds from all the nacho cheese dip I plan on sneaking from my dad.

Until next time, hang em if you got em, but hopefully you don’t.

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Related posts:

1. Football Season is HERE!
2. Life According to Lex…Volume 10
3. In Honor of Football
4. Life According to “Cousin” Lex…Volume 9
5. Life According To Lex…Volume 6

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